Reality Bites

It's finally hitting me (and hitting pretty hard) that there is going to be something wrong with Noah. We can "fix" all we can but it's never going to be enough.

I'm running out of excuses for why he isn't doing things.

First, it was being premature. But being premature doesn't necessarily keep you from developing and doing typical baby things. Second, it was the SCT and surgeries but there are many kids with SCT resections and they are just fine. Third, it was reflux. We couldn't work him hard enough and position him correctly to do all the therapy he needed because he always threw up. Last, it was seizures. The electrical storms constantly firing in his head kept him from learning or retaining new information.

So we went down the checklist of ailments and managed them to the best of our ability. Tonight I find myself sitting here scratching my head trying to figure out for the life of my why my little boy won't smile or reach for a toy or acknowledge me or miss me when I walk away or cry when he's hungry or love me back in a way I recognize. And the reality of our situation is slowly sinking in like a knife being pushed into my heart.

Because as of now, he just ran out of excuses of why he can't. So, why won't he?