I'm going to post some pictures of Noah on his birthday. It is hard to post these. I would love to post pictures of a smiling, happy, and laughing baby. It'd be nice if he'd look at the camera (it'd be nice if he'd look at me for that matter). Understand that Noah is pretty much "checked out" most of the time. The meds and the seizures have created a "zombie baby". Every now and again we do see Noah. I cherish those fleeting moments. We don't get enough of them. I know my son doesn't quite look right sometimes but he's mine. I think he is beautiful no matter how aware or oblivious he is to me and his surroundings. It's hard to see him so distant though. I feel like I'm playing a cruel game of tug-of-war with a monster who has his head and I'm only holding on to a toe. But I'm not letting go. EVER! So this is Noah on his first birthday and boy are we grateful we got here. There was a time when we weren't so sure we'd make it to this day. Happy Birthday son!