Friday, January 1, 2010

Well, it's a new year with old news

Honestly I'm just not totally in love with this whole mom thing.  It's draining, frustrating, and I find myself in a terrible mood more often than not.  Don't get me wrong... I LOVE my son with my whole heart and soul and there's no way I'd trade him for ANYTHING.  The whole mother thing just isn't what I thought it was going to be.  I pictured it differently even after I knew Noah would have an atypical path.  

His seizures are awful.  Not as frequent but violent.  He wails and is impossible to console. It is excruciating to watch.  The beauty about these (I wish there was a sarcastic font on the computer),they happen in the middle of the night and multiple times.  We are woken up with a child who is agonizing and tortured and can do NOTHING to help him.  Then the best part (again with the sarcasm), he throws up.  It can be 20 seconds after a feed or 2 1/2 hours after feed and he'll still manage to get whatever is in his stomach out onto the bed, himself, and me.  

God, I just wanted things to be easier.  Not perfect or effortless, just a little easier.

Needless to say not much has changed around here.  


  1. I just want to say that I love guys. Am thinking of you and sending you big hugs. Bless you and may 2010 bring some relief for you all.

  2. Hey girl! Talking to you on Christmas was definitely the highlight of my holiday season. I missed the last few blog updates, you have been talky lately, I'm so glad. I know everyday is a struggle and you are always questioning yourself. I know your love for Noah keeps you going. Love you so so so much. Putting all my love and luck in one basket that we will see each other this year. Love you

  3. Noah is so lucky to have you as a mom. Wishing you and the family some good news in 2010!
    Tracy G.

  4. hugest of hugs for you and noah ((((((((( )))))))). sorry u r having such a tough time right now :O( hang in there, i truely hope things look up.
    sorry for lack of cooments recently, but have been a slack blogger, and not updated hope's blog 4 ages, and have only been reading from my mobile.
    please excuse lack of capitals... hope is being a diva and demanding use of right arm
    so much love xxx