Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Do I punch you or hug you?

That is a question I asked Noah's surgeon yesterday.  

We followed his advice and that is why we are where we are today.  This man told me if my baby was important to me I'd move to Philly and if not, the baby wouldn't survive. When he said this to me a little over a year ago I was devastated.  Then I got mad.  Then I got determined.  Then we moved.  We moved to PA two days later.  Hell yes! this baby was/is the most important thing in my life (and his father's life but this is MY blog not Todd's)!  

We love Noah's surgeon.  He saved Noah's life.  He also thinks we are pretty amazing which is hard for me to wrap my brain around.  This man is a fetal surgeon, chief of surgery, THE man.  He thinks I'm amazing??  He is also funny and kind.  And he gave me a new found strength without even knowing it.  

I realized Noah doesn't get to see the best of me and Todd.  We were at our best in Colorado when we met.  Footloose and fancy free!  We were happy and unattached and  life was pretty easy.  Living the dream in the mountains, hanging out with friends, working hard and playing harder.   Ahhh, the good ol' days. 

It's not fair to Noah.  He needs to see us laugh, smile, play, and love.  Not stress, cry, and struggle.  I want Noah to know us the way we used to be.  I think he'd like it.  I think he'd like us.  

My new promise to Noah:  He gets the best of me.  He gets to see me take heartbreak, frustration, and fear with grace.  He gets to see me laugh and smile.  He gets to see me be nicer to daddy and watch us love each other more.  This journey occasionally makes us forget how we got here and what brought us together.  It's not an easy road but we need to remember.  It's time we become a family who is happier more often than sad.  He deserves that (Noah and daddy!).  So do I.   


  1. Love you honey. Sending you a little piece of Grace everyday.

  2. I love you Tricia. I don't know what else to say. All of you deserve to have so much happiness. You are truly inspirational. I am so proud of you.

  3. You are very amazing. I could tell that the first time I met you in the NICU. The way you were so on top of everything that concerned Noah and I remember how you were on your laptop sometimes and sometimes sleeping and sometimes just watching Noah. You were such an inspiration to Lauren, Chris and I. I know Noah loves you now but you will all love eachother even more as you embrace the best in one another through this journey. Acceptance with GRACE, nothing better. I pray God's marvelous grace for all three of you, one day at a time. None of are guaranteed more than that. Have a wonderful day full of God's grace tomorrow.
    Love you all,